I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
