I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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