Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
