im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think my moral compass just broke
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize