She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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