i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
