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My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
