You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The struggles of a small town man whore
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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