just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Actions speak louder than pants.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
