come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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