Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
