toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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