Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
