So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
