the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
