so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
