I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize