that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
