You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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