I like to think it a success when the cops are called
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
high people should be assigned attendants
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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