were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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