He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
