yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize