Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
