I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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