i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
