We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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