I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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