i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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