He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
