where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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