So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
