he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Welp...herpes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
