I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
