well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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