Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
