he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He did a backflip because drugs
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