after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
