Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
