so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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