this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
