Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
