false alarm. still invincible.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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