Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he puts the penis in happiness.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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