We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize