After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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