Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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