Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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