oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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