you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
