carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
