I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
