she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
