it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think I sprained my soul last night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
