im drinking this country out of the recession.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
