I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
