"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
