Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
