lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
