mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
