Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
