alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
