Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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