I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
