I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
