I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
