I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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