also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
