is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
