I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
