I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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