Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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