I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
