tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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