12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And then he peed in my hair
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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