well I can't set my house on fire every night
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
