To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize