Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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