mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
