Kiss
Puke
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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