you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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