i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
