if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize