I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
