I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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