I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
