I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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