This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
