Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
