One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize