Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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