toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
