look no pants
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
