Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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