You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
