So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
