I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
