I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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