I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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