Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
