i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
