The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Your dad touched me again.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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