I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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