He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There's a naked man in my car right now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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