how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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