best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck me I smell like cheese
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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