Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
