If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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