in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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