Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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