are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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