You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
