We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
