I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
