They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
