Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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